Tiger
Woods Gets Married
Hold That Tiger.
December 5, 2003
by Bill Hogan
I don't know what is so fascinating about a world famous
sports star marrying a blonde bombshell. Why does this
type of news become such fodder for the tabloids? Especially
when it's something that the superstar athlete would
much rather keep private.
Is it impossible for someone whose athletic prowess
has vaulted him to the top of his profession to expect
some sort of private life? There is little in a grown
man's life that is more personal than matrimony –
even for somebody that is easily recognized world wide
for his competitive achievements.
I guess when one of baseball's all-time greatest players
espouses one of the world's biggest sex symbols it makes
for stop-the-presses news. On January 14, 1954, almost
three years after retiring, Yankee legend Joe DiMaggio
married movie star Marilyn Monroe.
The paparazzi's dream couple didn't go anywhere unnoticed.
A tough situation for a man who treasured his privacy;
but priceless exposure for a box office sensation. DiMaggio
and Monroe divorced after nine tumultuous months.
Many sports celebrities have married in the fifty years
since Joltin' Joe and Marilyn said "I do,"
but none have generated the same kind of mass hysteria.
That is until Tiger popped the question to Swedish nanny/model
Elin Nordegren at an African game reserve.
Let the media circus begin. No two-paragraph announcement
in the society page for this kind of headline news.
Tiger's getting married and everybody that is anybody
has an opinion.
The most-expressed concern seems to center around how
Tiger's impending nuptials will affect his golf game.
Didn't they ask that very same question when Tiger decided
to switch to Nike golf clubs?
Jack Nicklaus thinks settling down and starting a family
will help. Tiger's father disagrees. In a usatoday.com
article, Earl Woods is quoted as saying "…
a wife can sometimes be a deterrent to a good game of
golf."
Been there, Earl. The lawn needs mowing. Someone has
to take the kid to his play-date. The garage is so cluttered
that the car won't fit in it anymore. My wife can find
a hundred different ways to deter me from "a good
game of golf." But I'm not the world's number one
player. Heck, I'm not even the block's number one player.
Somehow, I doubt that Tiger's husbandly duties will
keep him from jetting to Augusta for The Masters. It's
one thing to cancel a Saturday morning tee time with
the guys, another altogether to skip a major championship
because the dog has a grooming appointment at PetSmart.
I just can't picture the future Mrs. Woods storing Tiger's
U.S. Open trophies in the attic to make room on the
mantle for a fruit bowl that's been in the family for
generations; or excavating the backyard putting green
because the soil is just right for her vegetable garden.
I don't think there will be any heated arguments over
the household budget, or whether to pay the minimum
amount due on the MasterCard bill. And Tiger won't have
to hear about blowing junior's college fund on a can't-miss
Super Bowl bet.
There's a good chance that Tiger won't ever have to
give up his spot on the Ryder Cup team because cousin
Bjorn is coming all the way from Stockholm for a visit
the same week.
When Tiger plays in a golf tournament, there's nobody
on the golf course that is more focused on the task
at hand. If he misses a short putt or slices a drive
into the trees it sure won't be because he forgot to
empty the Diaper Genie that morning.
Tiger's to-do list might get a little longer: put socks
in hamper; put toilet seat down; put 220 yard 6-iron
three feet from the cup. All indications are that he
can handle the added pressure.
The idea that becoming a husband will be detrimental
to Tiger's golf game is as absurd as the hoopla that
surrounds his announced engagement. And it's ridiculous
to point to Elin Nordegren as the cause of any future
failings like she's the Yoko Ono of the golf world.
If merely proposing marriage can generate this much
attention, analysis and speculation, I can only imagine
what kind of spectacle will be made of the actual wedding
ceremony. At least Joe and Marilyn had the luxury of
a small, private civil ceremony at San Francisco City
Hall. That was long before the Internet - and The Enquire.
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